aargh!it's alive!!(title sucks.i know)
by Queen Isis
Summary: Relena-bashing and maybe some wufei-bashing.relena comes over to Quatre's for tea,and becomes a victim of Duo's and Heero's prank.See what happens.Reviews would be appreciated^_^


                                                                   Aaargh! It's Alive!

                                                                                            By: Me, of course…

Queen Isis: Hello people!How ya doin'?Good to see ya!

Duo:Uh…Queen Isis..?Aren't you supposed to put up the disclaimer?

Queen Isis: Oh yeah…. silly me.How did you get out anyway?You're supposed to be practicing your script.

Duo: "….."

Queen Isis: O_o Anywhose, here's the **_disclaimer_**,folks!I don't own anything except for the Get Beefy A.S.A.P. products which play an important part in this ficcie.heh heh.Now don't you go stealin'em.If you wanna use them in your fic,ask permission first by e-mailing me. Besides that, I don't own anything else.

 AN: Ahem.This fic is full of stupidity and there's also a trainload of Relena-bashing, which means that if you're a Relena-fan, you probably don't wanna be here.Now flames,comments and reviews are welcome.If you didn't like this story,then at least tell me what's wrong with it.-_-

So, with that out of the way, we can move onto the story…………………

The battle was intense.It was unclear which side would emerge victorious.It was a life or death situation.

"I …will…emerge…victorious!" Wufei Chang roared.

"Wrong!I shall survive and emerge victorious!" Heero cried with an evil grin plastered over his face from ear to ear.His fingers stabbed at the buttons of  the Nintendo 64 controller.It was 3:00 am.They had been playing Pokémon Stadium 2 for the past seventeen or so hours.Finally, Heero's pikachu defeated Wufei's Jigglypuff.Wufei's jaw fell through the floor .

"Harharhahrhahrhahrhahr!!!!!!!I have defeated you and your big pink Jigglypuff!" Heero let out his maniacal laugh. "I won the bet so you are going to have to wear pink bunny slippers all week!"He yelled,reffering to the bet which they had made earlier.

"INJUSTICE!!!!!I am a strong manly man and will never be caught dead wearing pink bunny slippers!" Wufei screamed,paused for a moment as if he had forgotten something, then stuck his nose in the air with a 'humph'.He hated it when he forgot to do that. "Stupid pokémon.Stupid Nintendo.Stupid bet.Stupid weakling Jigglypuff."He mumbled under his breath as he sauntered off in fury,steam practically shooting from his ears.

Heero was so happy with his victory, that he began dancing the funky chicken to Mozart.Or maybe it was just the lack of sleep getting to him.

Next Day(it happened to be a Saturday)

Heero,Trowa,Quatre and Duo were in the kitchen.Trowa was washing dishes and Quatre was making pancakes.Heero sat at the table,reading the morning newspaper.Duo had his head shoved in the refrigerator,desperately rummaging through it to find something for his growling stomach.After a few unsuccesful attempts he came across a small colourfully illustrated can.

"Hey Q-man, there's nothing in the fridge but a few cases of these.And I don't think I'll be alive by the time those pancakes are done."he held up the can.Quatre looked up, started to say something about the can but suddenly stopped.His eyes widened,his lungs struggled for air and his brain tried fruitlessly to explain what his eyes had just seen.The frying pan with the first batch of pancakes  left Quatre's hand and clanged loudly to the floor.

Everyone else stopped what they were doing and stared at the figure behind Duo.Trowa was at the moment adding dish-washing liquid to the sink .As his clown brain tried to comprehend the sight,he unconsciously squeezed the whole bottle into the water.Soap bubbles floated everywhere.Heero just did some sitting and staring.Sitting and staring.Followed by some more sitting and staring.

"Why's everyone staring at me?" sweat broke out on Duo's forehead. "G-guys,y-y-yo-you're sc-scaring me…"He was reminded of a movie he saw once, where a guy got eaten by monsters who possesed his pals' bodies. "Your eyes!Your eyes!They burn!If you're gonna eat me like those monsters in the movie  then at least have some humanity!!!"He shrieked and turned for the door.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!!!!!" Duo shrieked like a little girl again as he bumped into the grim figure standing there and fell.He surveyed the figure from bottom to top.

"Hhmm.Pink bunny slippers..white kung fu pants..a katana.." Duo frowned,stood up and thought long and hard. "Pink bunny slippers?Guess I'm hallucinating…" he shrugged.By now they had gathered their wits.

"Uh… good morning …Wufei.Is there anything particular you need to talk to us about?" Quatre offered,at the same time cleaning up the mess that was supposed to be their breakfast.Somewhere at the sink, Trowa couldn't resist but to giggle.So he giggled.A little louder.Soon he was thrashing around,roaring in a demented laughter.

"Shut up,circusboy."Wufei,with dark circles and bags under his eyes,shuffled  comically over to the fridge and took out one of the peculiar little cans that Duo had been meaning to ask Quatre about.Not bothering to read the label,Wufei pulled it and took a long gulp.While sitting down across from Heero,he gulped the awfully-tasting drink.It went down like tomato juice mixed with milk,causing him to screw up the mean deathly death glare he had meant to aim at Heero.Duo tumbled over in high-pitched monkey-like laughter.Trowa was now in tears,unable to stop shrieking in laughter.All his military training could never prepare Heero for this.He began chuckling, and since he was unable to stop,he began laughing.

"S-s-s-so-hehehehahehahehahehahe-s-so-hehe-so-o-o-rry!"Quatre tried to apologize but already joined the chorus of crazy 'hahahahah's and 'heheheh's and snorts and snorks.

Feeling helpless and angry,Wufei let out an exasperated cry and tore at his hair.It came out with a loud rip and soon all that was left on his head was a few poor clumps of black hair that stuck out randomly.Otherwise he was completely bald.This, of course,didn't cure the laughing disease that took over the other four Gundam pilots.Curiously enough, this disease seemed to disappear as  soon as Relena's high-pitched siren voice echoed through the mansion.

"HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"she yelled, coming closer to the kitchen.

The alarm sounded: "Relena Alert!Relena Alert!Please evacuate all personnel from this building.Relena Alert!Relena Alert!

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHH!!!Hide me!Hide me!"Heero yelled.He didn't have his gun ,unfortunately he had left it in his other pants,which had gone into the washing machine,which in turn washed his gun out and into the line of underground plumbing pipes which lead to the sewers.Seeing the five-foot tall pile of soap suds that towered out of the sink,Trowa acted quickly and before the Perfectly Stunned Soldier could say "John-Jacob-Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt" he was swallowing 'Squeeki' brand dish-washing liquid suds.

The kitchen door burst open almost swinging out of its hinges as Relena stormed in, sniffing to see if Heero was around.

Kitchen Door: "Sheesh,lady.gimme a break!I've just had a major surgery on my hinges,ya know!"

"Hello Quatre,you haven't seen Heero,have you?" she totally missed out Wufei's new look.

"Uh *gulp* I haven't seen him.. at ..all…?heh heh" Quatre grinned a goofy toothy grin.She pouted. "But he promised to play teatime with me and Mr.Huggles." She held out an overstuffed brown teddy.

"No, I did not!" The big pile of soap suds spoke with Heero's voice. "Oh,poopy!I have to learn to keep my mouth shut."

Without hesitation she pulled him out of  the suds and hugged him,cutting off his air supply.

"Gaak!Coff gasp uufrrghkglekh!!!" Heero flailed his arms.She finally let go.

"What a good idea,miss Relena!" Quatre's eyes lit up at the mention of tea.He whipped a humongous teakettle out of nowhere along with six teacups and took them to the sitting room with the four other pilots reluctantly in tow.

"Wait!What about Mr.Huggles?He wants tea too you know.What do you think he is,some overgrown stuffed brown teddy bear named Mr.Huggles?HUMPH!"she squealed then pouted, crossing her arms.

"I'll get it!"Duo jumped up,happy that he would have a good excuse for leaving the room. 

"You know,I'll just give him my tea and you can bring ME the tea instead."

"No prob,Relena."Duo said already getting up.Heero saw his chance to leave and sprung up.

"I'll help you get it, Duo!" he ran after Duo.

In The Kitchen 

"Duo,what you doin'?" Heero looked over his friend's shoulder.

"Look what I found." He held up one of the cans from the fridge.Heero examined it.The label read:

Get Beefy A.S.A.P.{Tomato Juice Milk Flavor}

Below it were the directions for use:

1.Shake well.

2.Open can.

3.Drink alone or mix with other drinks if desired.

Recommended dosage: 2 cans per day.Do not exceed  3 cans of drink per day,as it may lead to interestingly gross results, which if given to worst enemy,may cause the said enemy to suffer from low self-esteem and lack of confidence and so cause him/her/it to run home and stay indoors for 5 years,giving you the chance to move to another country and change your identity.

"Duo!Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"Yes, and I'll bet my  collection of stinky sweaty gym socks  that the reader is pondering what you're pondering."

Heero quickly poured some tea into a large kettle and filled the other three quarters of it with  5 cans of Get Beefy A.S.A.P. and stirred it .

"Here you go ,Relena.All for you." Duo grinned and set the teapot and teacup before her.

"Where's the cookies,bub?A princess always has cookies with her tea!!"

"Oh, cookies!I'll get the cookies."Heero smiled and sprinted off.

After 5 Hours Of Tea 

 Wufei sprouted back hair from all the tea.Trowa was speechless once again.Duo fell asleep, Heero was trying hard not to lose his mind and Quatre was still dreaming about more tea.Relena gulped down the last cup of her 'special' tea and patted her stomach. It sounded as if someone had patted a waterballoon.

"That was some good tea.Interesting flavor.BBBrrgruuuurp!"She licked her lips then belched. "Let's have some more!"

"Pleeeaase, no more tea!"Heero groaned then passed out.

"In that case, I should go home.A nice long nap is overdue" she got up ,with the liquid splashing and gurgling inside her now- large pot-belly. "Adios!" 

The Next Morning 

A gundanium-splitting scream rocked the Peacecraft Palace.Pagan, awakened by Relena's scream,rushed to her chamber.Inside, she stood in front of the mirror and kept screaming.Because the 7-metre rectangular mirror which hung on the wall was too small to show her whole.Her waist which was once 20 inches was now at least 8 metres.She couldn't move from the spot.When she did ,she walked like a penguin and risked crashing through the 3rd storey floor which began  to bend under her weight.Pagan crossed himself and could only stand there, hoping she wouldn't fall on him and crush him to death. 

Heero, as usual, was reading the paper at the kitchen table.There was no way the big headline on the front page could be missed:FORMER QUEEN OF WORLD MUTATES,KILLS SERVANT.And a photo which could capture only a small portion of her bulk, accompanied it


End file.
